i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
