Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
