i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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