Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
