does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
