TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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