If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
