Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
