Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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