I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's always time for handjobs
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
