I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
