You made me cry and you don't even care
it hurts more in the daytime
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
