I just cut my nipple shaving
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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