I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh god the rape fog is back!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
