we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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