Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
