Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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