i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
