Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
