There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
