And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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