He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
