Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
