My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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