my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
