small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
