Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We don't watch enough power rangers
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
