When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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