my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She is in my trunk
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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