I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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