please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
