If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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