All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
