you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
