I think scott just propositioned me for sex
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
