Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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