He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
