I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
