so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
