sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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