dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
