I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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