I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
