dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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