Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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