I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm really busy with my period
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