I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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