she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
