pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel great
I just peed on a car
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize