WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
