your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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