you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
