If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
