Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
