Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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