Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
