my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
