Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
