Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i love accidental penises.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
