Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize