he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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