That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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