Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
