Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
