I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
false alarm, still single
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
